Loki vs Count Olaf - Freshy Kanal ft. The Stupendium, Shwabadi

RAP BATTLE!

LOKI

VS

COUNT OLAF

BEGIN

Oh then, you're surely joking

You must be the reason Odin still hasn't awoken

Your whole broken series of prose

Must've bored him to tears from the open

Put the Baudelaire's chosen heirs in woes for their fortune

Yet Poe tends to be more potent

Look away, or the bitter, grumpier Mr. Tumnus

Will pluck your eye out with his goat chin (ha!)

Long ago, you lusted over the stage

Your dreams were crushed because you skipped leg day

Watch the God of tricks Ragna-rock a diss

Like Violet's signature, you're left, not dominant

Are you close friends with Heimdall?

'Cuz that nose bridges the nine realms!

So many flaws like a hotel

If only your folks had raised you better than you raise that eyebrow (eyebrow!)

As a villain, you're trivial, it is so outrageous

I influenced millions to bow down and make way

You're insignificant, ridiculed by children without safety

Tried pilfering riches but ended up Klaus chasing!

Marvel's undebated, talking film adaptations

You placed in a railroad scene, it was so much of a trainwreck!

I’m shapeshifting, you're out of shape, shifty!

When this snake's bit ya like your dad, you'll have holes in your pale neck!

I doubt this sleazy creep could even read

Of the evil deeds I’ve been completing

This mortal being ought to steal some mischief from me, please!

Even if you look me up, you'll be beneath me!

What was that sloppy verse?

I wanted roast beef, dammit!

So call me the Hulk

This rap is low-key slappin'! (slappin'!)

Out of both of Odin's sons, you're the only one

Looking like an Avatar carcass! (James!)

When fighting fire with an arsonist

You better keep your ass guarded! (flames!)

Oh man, your whole plan

Got out of hand, that's so sad

I’m Olaf, but this dope dropped off the bridge

Like, "Bye, Frosty the Snowman!"

Your bro's the GOAT of gods, you're the god of goats

If you swallowed your pride, you would probably choke

I don't got that hocus pocus or that mind control

But still keep my staff under my control

You're so horny, but I get it, dude

Your whole family tree's a fucking petting zoo

Heard your pregnancy was violent, not surprised your poor privates are blue

Remind me not to go horse riding with you!

Of course, I’m more striking than Thor's lightning

My author could better Handler task of writing adored ideas

Than the broad psyche of norse vikings who thought:

"Right! What if a court jester had horns that were all spiky?"

Is it just me, or is it melting in here?

Somebody toss me water

After all, I’m sure parched-

From thirsting over my foster daughter (What? No!)

You met Kit Snicket and she thought you were a fun guy

Being with you killed her harder than the fungi

Then you had a girlfriend, but she wasn't down for the Count

Once she was in, you had to opt out!

I see through your acts and the threats you excrete

A Count more fabricated than Sesame Street's!

Take this scepter beneath your chest, ending your spiel

I’m not talking Patrick Harris when I get you to kneel!

Now Count Olaf had just been burned

A word here which means personally hurt by the deep meanings in Loki's “quick quips”

However, when you are as blindsided as Olaf, you might not know when to-

Quit the talk! Compared to my seas, yer threat's pale!

Yer directors never let yer story arc set sail!

I study snake biology, not mental health

But with that family drama, you should get help

After Thor's image fleeted, I needed a kiwi

To save my series of unfortunate screenings

And I thought I could be loved by my father and Thor, but no!

For you, that's not how the story goes!

Funny how balance is your boss' schtick

Yet he left your neck in bits before you got a split

Your birth family left you to melt like a frost kid

Gave you the cold shoulder, Odin had to let ya hop kins!

Asgard died and your lives were disrupted

No VFD could save its Very Fiery Destruction

Go drown your shame in your bar with no doors 'cuz

I’ve taken advantage of another spoiled orphan!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

THE NEXT RAP BATTLE IS ON THE WAY!