Paul Bunyan vs Johnny Appleseed - Freshy Kanal ft. Mr. Tibbs, Freeced

You should’ve caught me on a different day

Unless you’re fishing logs, you should put those grippers away (Goddamn!)

I’ll pull the stick and turn you into a saint

Still make a bigger splash than you when I piss in the lake

Tell your Jiminy Cricket that you ain’t fit for the visit

Because he’s looking for a minister, this hillbilly isn’t

You diet’s so damn acidic you’re probably riddled with rickets

Instead of picking them apples you should be picking a clinic

You must be packed with ulcers you fragile loner

You’re the first pothead to always pass out sober

Christian missionary, you’re like half a soldier

That’s a culture too aggro for agriculture

Is that a skunk on your goddamn hands and shoulders?

Or just your rancid odor, it really isn’t a wonder you never

Danced with folks and ladies pass you over

Sanctimonious, your seed is for the plants to grow with

I keep the field busy, but why are you talking?

Instead of getting a real Babe, you blue oxen

Unraveled all the mingling you did before you packed up

Broke the ice with all these people just to ditch them for Alaska

I’m prominent forever as a real life hero

Accomplishments you’ve ever had in real life: zero

Too big for your boots since you were a year old

I bet they used the American flag to clean your ear holes

Cause you’re a stain on the nation, and I’m a national treasure

Talking pennywise, you’re nothing but an asset for terror

Yeah, I know a bad apple when I see one

Maybe branch out cause your crew’s up a tree stump

His people skills are criminal, he plants and bails

Afraid they’ll pull his drawers up past his wagon trail

He’s planting Red Delicious, throw this man in jail

Gotta be the first time a stock in Apple failed

Look at little baby Johnny as he’s trying a taste

Getting humbled by reality like a pie to the face

I can’t imagine all the time he’ll a-waste

Tryna' make Indiana look like prime real estate

No matter how many times you keep on bringing em back

I’ll still clear a season’s work with just one swing of the axe

And I ain’t tryna battle, damn, I didn’t even attack

I just sneezed, knocked this plantation clean off the map

These folks don’t wanna see you drag your hobnails through shrubbery

Everyone who listens to your tall tales looks up to me

Paul fails to trouble me, I’m living in honor

I’m not a drinking man, but I’m about to finish this logger

Machines took our jobs and they say the world is heating up

My trees do their best so that the seasons keep from speeding up

But please tell me why you blame the engines when you eat enough

To leave bigger carbon footprints than a fleet of trucks

Your teamwork sucks, you break everything your palms touch

They must’ve asked you to bring insurance to the potluck

Ever since logging off, you’re pining for some sawdust

Your story ends just how it began, Paul is washed up